Change happens so often. Sometimes a bit too often causing us to shut down or crash. Some changes are so wonderful blessing us with its presence. Giving us a well needed, positive break from our negative days. However challenging changes come too, to our disappointment. Yet why do we think it’s so untimely compared to the great change. Rather why do I? As you might feel differently.
Recently so many things have changed in my life or lives related to my life that I have to stop sometimes and count them on my fingers like a kid counting coins being amazed at having so many in their little palms. So many decisions yet to be made and so many choice I wonder if I made them right.
My niece was born two days ago. So healthy, so beautiful. In so many ways she brings fear into my heart. Of our future now that she is in it. Of our present now that it might revolve around her in some ways. I realized though, when I look at her, sinless and innocent the feeling to be greater, better and the most fantastic version of myself, this feeling comes through stronger than any fear. She will observe my every move, the way I speak, the way I dress, the way I carry myself as a woman. When she looms at me I want her eyes to sparkle, impressed at the royalty that rolls off my confident shoulders. I want her to see the fruits of my active youth and not a barren, nothingness.
Regardless of preparing schedules, procrastination still found its way through to me and seeing my niece reminded me of it. I MUST work harder. There are no more excuses that I can think of. The faith I have in myself needs to be fed more. There is no time left.