You Only Live Once
One of the biggest struggles of 2015 was my struggle with getting out of the mindset that i had to Please my parents. They did not even live with me yet the fear of disappointing them was just too much to think of. Lately though… I’ve been a bit more pensive. I realized that I really cannot remember when I have ever pleased my parents. No matter how high I got in school… which was quite average usually. No matter what anyone said of how wonderful their daughter was. I never seemed to get the approving look or the pride melting off any parent. SO I came to the conclusion that really and truly boo boo, I really can not please my parents. They are impossible to please.
The Y.O.L.O phrase always flew way over my head during school. I saw kids getting it tattooed and could never think of why exactly. The more I think deeply about what I want and my future , the more I see it clashing with all the walls my parents have snugly fit me in. Of course I love them dearly and I know they only want us to live better than they ever did… However, I am exhausted from trying to please them and as a result I am unable to fully say who I am as I can only think of the ME that they want me to be… which I suppose is ME ..for now.
I feel myself evolving so much from who I was just a few months ago. I have my own ideas…. I no longer even feel the need to open up to many people. I am excited for change and new beginnings. I crave adventure, travel and learning. There is so many things in my dreams but can I truly live my life when they need me to help complete theirs? It is something my mind has been turning upside down. We truly only have ONE life. I want that life to be….mine.